So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
