Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is Oprah even human
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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