Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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