God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
