We won't sleep together?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
