You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
