I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
