The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
