Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
