it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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