So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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