I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
