Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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