Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
