Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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