you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
