I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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