he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
