Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
