don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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