Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
