Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
