I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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