i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize