I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
