Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
