Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
