ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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