the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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