lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
