Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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