He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
