so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
