chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
