so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
