why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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