I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she told me i tasted like america
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
