I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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