My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
