my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
