The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sarcasm needs its own font
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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