That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
