is your mom at the bar?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
