all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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