With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
