i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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