dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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