i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
