It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
