a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
