Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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