was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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